I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize