and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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