Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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