Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
