Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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