Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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