You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it's like iHOP with fire
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
