Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
