Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it was like eating out sand paper
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
