god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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