i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
