Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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