Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How does it feel to date your dad?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize