i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
