The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
