how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
