I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
