now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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