god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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