it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Randomize
