Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you made out with another girl for some wings
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
