i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
