You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
