Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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