he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Randomize
