what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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