The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize