Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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