I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize