I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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