the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
