I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize