remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
