My room smells like vodka and shame
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize