So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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