Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize