I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
