Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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