wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
