just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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