meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
