Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
