So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
