dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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