Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
