it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
