Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
