I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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