Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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