You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
