so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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