plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
