I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
