Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
