I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
