just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
