she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
