I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
