i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
