I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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