why didn't you poke me back
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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