In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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