Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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