that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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