drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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