Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
