Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
