i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize